Heartbroken

You may have noticed that I haven’t posted anything recently. I have literally been sitting around my house in total heartbreaking grief.

Around 3 weeks ago, my poor little angel Josie started having a very difficult time breathing, I took her straight to the vet. After x-rays and several series of blood tests, they told us her lungs were full of fluid and that she was suffering from congestive heart failure. 

The vet gave her an injection of a diuretic and gave us another three medications to take home and give to her twice a day. We were to bring her back in two weeks when she was supposed to be doing so much better from the meds. 

Sadly, this was not the case. When we brought her back her condition had not improved and had actually worsened. At this visit, we were told she was suffering from metastatic lung cancer, most likely to have spread there from her mammary glands. 

Now we were were told she had days or a week or two at best. I was totally taken aback and I believe I went into shock. I told the vet, who seemed to be pushing me to put her to sleep right then and there, that I was not prepared to make the decision in the moment. So I brought my sweet girl back home. I continued on with the fluid meds but not the two heart meds, as those were doing nothing for her and the possibility of kidney damage was too high of a risk. 

On the following Sunday morning of October 4th, she had what I believe was a mini-stroke. While she did pull out of it, it took nearly an hour for her to do so. The look of sheer panic and pain on her face, forced me to make the decision I had been dreading for the last few weeks. 

I had to do what I felt was best for this girl, no matter how much it would hurt me. I knew she was going to get much worse from this moment and I promised myself throughout my 14 years with her, that I would not allow her to suffer. 

I took her to the local 24 vet hospital here in Hickory, NC and they helped me put her to sleep in the most peaceful and pain free way.  They were so understanding and kind there. Allowing us to bring her home so that I could lay her to rest in the place of my choosing.

I brought my baby home and laid her in a beautiful woven basket with a cover. Then we drove the seventy plus miles to my childhood home in the mountains Bill did all the hard work of making a suitable spot for her in a little cove of woods next to the front yard. My sister, gave us a nice size granite slab to mark the grave. 

I have ordered a variety of spring and summer blooming bulbs and lilies to plant around her marker. I hope to get them in the ground before the end of this month. At least, in our planting zone I have a little leeway before the ground gets too cold for bulbs. 

While this post explains the specifics of the last three weeks, it does not begin to say how I have been feeling and what I am going through without Josie. I will try to explain a little bit more in a later post. The tears are still coming down like rain, at the mere mention of her name. I am unable to share more at this time. 

If you would like, you can click the photos below to view a small gallery of pictures of Josie.